Choosing joy over fear and pessimism when life feels heavy | with Nicole Zasowski | Episode 393

Have you ever lived in a mindset where you're basically waiting for the other shoe to drop, hope feels impossible or too dangerous? It can feel safer to fly low, embrace pessimism and cynicism and think, “if life turns out half as bad as I imagine, then at least I'll be ready for it.” That's the kind of mindset Stephanie had when she was younger.

Stephanie welcomes Nicole Zasowski, author and therapist, who shares wisdom on reclaiming joy and celebration in a world often dominated by worry and pessimism. Nicole’s journey and research reveal that joy isn’t just an emotional response, but a courageous, spiritual discipline rooted in God’s faithfulness. Despite her deep faith, she had concluded that joy and celebration were risky. She was sure that celebration would come with a catch, so she became practiced in praying for the miracle while preparing to mourn and dreaming while rehearsing disaster.

Listen here: https://www.podcastics.com/episode/362611/link/ 

Catch the conversation on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gospelspice 

And yet she discovered that our methods of self-protection came at a cost. A lot of the loss we experience in our lives is not only the grief and the disappointment itself, but also the joy that we overlook because we are too afraid to embrace it, she tells us. That’s the conversation on Gospel Spice today.

Understanding the Struggle with Joy

Nicole begins by dispelling the myth that celebration and joy come naturally to her—in fact, her books were born from seasons marked by change, loss, and disappointment. Through experiences like moving across the country and enduring infertility and miscarriages, Nicole discovered a heartbreaking truth: much of her loss was not just in what she lacked, but in her refusal to embrace the goodness that God placed in her path out of fear that it would be taken away. This led her into research, both biblical and scientific, to understand why joy can feel so vulnerable and difficult, especially when we’ve experienced pain.

Redefining Celebration: A Spiritual Discipline

American and Western cultures, Nicole notes, often see celebration as a reward for good news or accomplishments. However, the Bible—especially the Old Testament—demonstrates celebration as a spiritual rhythm and discipline, not just a reaction. The Israelites practiced regular, scheduled celebrations and feasts, regardless of their current circumstances. These rhythms were not designed to reward themselves for their goodness, but to remember and honor God's consistent faithfulness.

Celebration, then, is about choosing remembrance: looking back at God’s goodness and letting that fuel hope, courage, and anticipation about the future—even when circumstances are hard.

The Vulnerability of Joy

Joy is inherently vulnerable because it opens our hearts to the possibility of loss. For those who have experienced pain, pessimism and cynicism can become self-protective mechanisms. However, Nicole’s research and experience as a therapist show that numbing ourselves to joy doesn’t actually protect us. Rather, it diminishes our ability to savor God’s goodness and leaves us empty-handed in difficult times.

Practical Tools for Practicing Joy

Nicole emphasizes that joy, like any virtue, can and must be intentionally practiced. Two key habits can help rewire our hearts toward joy:

1. Savoring: Take mental “snapshots” of small moments, deliberately noticing what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. This helps your brain store joyful experiences that might otherwise go unnoticed.
2. Thanksgiving (vs. gratitude): Beyond silently feeling grateful, speak and express thanks out loud—to God or others. Research shows that this actually heightens and solidifies joy inside us.

Key Takeaways from our conversation

• Joy and celebration are not merely emotions; they are spiritual practices and choices that shape us.
• God invites us into rhythms of celebration even when our feelings or circumstances do not match, because it roots us deeper in remembrance of His faithfulness.
• Practicing joy often feels counterintuitive—especially in pain—but it is the way God designed us to process life and hope.
• Tools like savoring and thanksgiving can help transform our hearts and brains to default toward joy instead of worry or cynicism.

Nicole encourages us that it’s never too late to begin practicing joy, regardless of our life’s season. The discipline of joy prepares us for eternity, deepening our delight in God and training our hearts for hope and celebration—no matter what comes our way.

MORE ABOUT NICOLE ZASOWSKI

Nicole Zasowski is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of What If It's Wonderful, From Lost to Found and her new Bible Study Daring Joy. She is also the coauthor of Advances and Techniques in Restoration Therapy and Families and Forgiveness. As a writer who wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, Nicole’s work is a weave of biblical wisdom, psychological expertise, and vulnerable storytelling. Often praised for her wisdom and approachable style, Nicole is a sough-after speaker, frequently teaching at conferences, retreats, and women’s events around the country on topics that integrate faith and psychology.

In addition to her private practice, Nicole’s therapeutic work has included teaching as an adjunct professor at Alliance Theological Seminary in New York and leading marriage intensives at the Hideaway Experience.

Nicole and her husband, Jimmy, are the grateful parents of three young children. Her favorite place to be is looking for sea glass on the Connecticut shoreline, exploring a New England town or New York City neighborhood, or sitting in her front yard around a fire with her family, friends, and neighbors.

Meet Nicole at https://www.nicolezasowski.com/

MORE ABOUT “DARING JOY”

Joy can feel risky. When you've experienced pain of any kind, it can feel easier not to dream than to be disappointed, or not to hope than to be left heartbroken. If you ever feel like it's safer not to embrace joy at all than to hold something that might break, you're not alone. Thankfully, the Bible paints a different picture—one that gives you the courage to hold on to joy regardless of your circumstances.

https://www.nicolezasowski.com/daring-joy

MORE ABOUT “WHAT IF IT’S WONDERFUL”

What If It’s Wonderful? Author and marriage and family therapist Nicole Zasowski knows that it’s difficult to trust joy and find the courage to celebrate when you have endured seasons of disappointment and despair. When God has been your faithful anchor in the storm, does joy then leave you unmoored? Nicole reminds us that we can stay tethered to the hope of Christ in seasons of celebration, because even joyful days hold the learning, growth, and intimate encounters with Jesus that our hearts crave.

What If It’s Wonderful? offers a new perspective. With a compelling psychological and spiritual case for the importance of embracing joy and celebration, even when it feels scary.

https://www.nicolezasowski.com/wonderful